PJ’s Diet — Saying instead of Eating my Words
May, 2014 — Goal: weigh 130 lbs — be stronger; be more flexible
February, 2020 — Goal: Weigh 130 lbs — be stronger; be more flexible…
Six years flies by when you are in your 60’s. I can quite honestly say I am more committed today than 6 years ago to lose those now 30 (rather than 40) pounds.
A few of my friends are losing weight following a program that deals with recognize one’s emotional eating. I get it! Some of us eat when we are otherwise attempting to cope with our life’s anxieties and challenges. I definitely fall into that category. But something clicked for me this morning. I’ve generally been one of those people who “swallows their words” rather than speak out. Usually, it is not about anything important. Sometimes, it’s wise to not say what I think. Yet, I believe strongly that have a duty to speak up and express my views when it comes to fighting against abuse and a whole host of other important issues. But I am talking about those situations where one chooses one’s battles.
Yesterday, I recognized that daily conversations and observations occur and I do not respond as I sometimes would like.
So here I begin:
My friend calls and tells me how much they enjoyed the half-time show for the SuperBowl. For those of you that did not see it, Shakira and Jennifer Lopez and their dance ensembles performed very physical, high-energy dances and did pole dances. Their costumes left little to the imagination of what their underlying bodies are like. In fact, the costumes and movements drew one’s attentions to the dancer’s bottoms and crotches. One can admire their energy, athleticism and rhythm. With my friend I did not keep quiet. I exploded. I had sat in shock. As women, we want to be respected for our minds and admired for looks. We object when men make inappropriate advances. What was the message of half-time show? To me it was vulgar, something I might have witnessed at a strip-club not on national television with my children and grandchildren watching. I was disappointed that the display and grinding dances held such appeal and that sponsors condoned what was exhibited.
Then I went to my gym to work out. There are some older women there with whom I exchange hellos. One lady practically accosted me with “You are NOT going to vote for Trump are you?” She on several occasions has seen me at church and continually states how much she hates Trump. Yesterday, though, I decided that maybe she just needed to talk. So I asked, “Well, who do you think I should vote for?” Her response was “Anybody, but Trump.” I pressed again, “Do you know who would be better?” Her response was “A chimpanzee would be better!” Not wanting to get confrontational, I said, “Well, I don’t think that’s true; but I need to leave.” What I wanted to say was, “Then maybe you should go live in jungle and let a chimpanzee be your king.”
After getting out of the pool, I exchanged pleasantries with a retired woman who was going on and on about all her travels. She asked if I was concerned about the coronavirus. I said, “yes, are you?” She replied, no, and that she doesn’t believe in getting any vaccinations. She’s planning to go to Singapore and South Africa this spring. I couldn’t get a word in as she prattled on about Boeing and various countries and cruises. I wanted to ask, “Are you crazy? Do you have a medical degree? And would you please take a shower before you get in the pool.”
Maybe when I have the urge to snack on potato chips or crunch on a snickers, I will take a couple of minutes to reflect on some of these inane exchanges. Maybe I will start a new fad diet.
Day 2
Friedrich Nietzsche wrote: “ The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.”
Talking with a couple of friends today, I shared my goal of losing thirty pounds this year. My girlfriend, an avid reader, shared a book that I will read about being honest with oneself. Putting up post-it-notes on your mirror or refrigerator reminding myself that I spend too much time sitting in front of my computer or lounging watching movies, may indeed help. It is definitely a challenge to be honest with myself.
When I have shared my goal with some people that I know, their response has not been, “Oh no, you would be too skinny.” Almost each and every one has then shared their thoughts about their own fitness, their exercise routines, their diets and how much weight they have lost. I want to say, “I’m not competing with you.” Perhaps, I am overwhelmed by every one else’s success stories. And to add a bit more honesty here, while I have shared my goal in the past with my family, I have never been so candid about my desire to lose weight with my wider circle of friends and even clients. Being honest with myself about my need to lose weight is perhaps a good starting point for saying my words versus eating my words. At the end of the day, “no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself[myself].”
To continue with my things “not said” today… I wish I could tell Nancy Pelosi how disappointed I was in her behavior during last evening’s State of Union address as she tore the President’s speech apart. One may disagree and find fault with the President’s address; but it would seem that respect for the Office of the President and the forum where the address was presented would call for a level of respect and decorum. An opportunity to express my thoughts and own myself was missed.
As I went to the gym today and tried to use the weight machines I was told that they were not available between 1:30 and 3:00pm. When I apologized and asked how I was supposed to know that, the young lady responded, “Well there is a class and there are signs.” Sure enough over on the wall was a sign. There was just a certain-kind of rudeness to the staff person that irritated me. Would it have been so hard to ask if perhaps I would be interested in joining the class? With my sheet for knowing my seat positions, weights etc., she could easily see I am new to what I am doing, I even said as much. Instead she just glared at me to get off the machine. So I left. A little politeness, a little kindness would have meant a lot. Instead, I left embarrassed; as if it were my fault. An opportunity to express my thoughts and own myself was missed.
I think of Nathanial Hawthorne who wrote: “Words — so innocent and powerless as they are as standing in a dictionary, how potent for good and evil they become in the hands of one who knows how to combine them.” And I think how going forward I must not miss the opportunity to use my words.
So, I write of my frustrations and vow to myself that I will endeavor to have my words to others be kind; and, that the words I post to myself will be honest. I will say my words versus eating.
